by Michael Keaton

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Michael Keaton was an alternative rock band whose quirky characters and overwhelming charisma won the hearts of many, encapsulating the sound of the early 90s forever.

Basically, this is found audio. We've looked all over for this record and have been slowly piecing together the following information over the past few years. It may not be 100% accurate because it's all taken from locals mouths, but it's all general consensus from everyone we asked, so:


In 1994, three high school friends - Egg, Bert, and Ernie - got together and formed a lo-fi folk band named Eggbert. They went on to record two releases, Pitter Patter EP (1994) and Bill Cosby's Dirty Secrets (1995). Before Eggbert, however, Egg and Bert exercised their creative passion under a different act - Michael Keaton.

After graduating as the class of '89, Egg & Bert (at the time still going by their birth names, Michael Hand and Keaton Fishbowl) separated from Ernie over the years. In 1990, the two befriended a peculiar fellow named John Worthing at an open mic. John Worthing piqued their interest with his nasal timbre, Casio keyboards, and array of dollar store instruments. After further discussion, the three decided to join forces and form the legendary band we know today as Michael Keaton.

In 1993, the year of Michael Keaton's unfortunate disbanding (due to the tragic death of John Worthing via Pepto Bismol overdose), Michael Hand and Keaton Fishbowl were forced to change their legal names to Egg and Bert to avoid complications with the law (connected to their involvement in the bootleg pink bismuth cartel) - going on to reunite with Ernie at the very same open mic that they met John Worthing (rest in peace) at.


THE RECORDING OF "Boing!" (1991)

After deciding to work together as a musical act in 1990, the three decided to start building a fund for their debut album. After many months of building funds and writing songs, they finally had accumulated enough money to cover the expenses of recording a full studio album. They hooked up with Dungaroo Studios and got the process started. They had a few tracks down, when John Worthing came into the studio intoxicated and shirtless to deliver the unfortunate news that the entirety of their remaining funds had been spent on beanie babies and pink bismuth.

Distraught (and angry), Michael & Keaton took their few professionally rendered tracks and went home. Afraid their dream of recording a feature length album was dead, they searched their house for musical gear. After days of scouring, they ended up pulling together enough hardware to finish their album - DIY. Some believe this unfortunate happenstance lead this album to be the diverse musical monster it is.

Following the release of the album, Michael Keaton toured the east coast. A clip of a North Carolina performance is available at the end of the Japanese release of the album, as a bonus track.


We looked long and hard for this release ever since we learned of MK's existence, and we're happy to have finally tracked down the record collector who owned both A) a (shitty) vinyl as pictured which plays like trash, so fucked up, and B) A good ol' CD with the audio we put out (although the CD was jmadly scribbled over with sharpie...???)
We are proud to be the first people to introduce these people to cyberspace, and consider ourselves the curators of this found wonky-ass 90s


released May 1, 1991

This album is by the great band, Michael Keaton. There whereabouts of any of the members is entirely unknown. For all we know, they may have all passed away. God bless.

Michael Hand - Vocals
Keaton Fishbowl - Guitar
John Worthing - Keyboard, Vocals, Drums, Kazoo



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Michael Keaton North Carolina

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Track Name: Big Hands Small Thumbs
got a big hands
got a big hand
with a small thumb
I know it's true
because it's mine
I know it's true
cuz it's my hand
I love my thumbs
I LOVE my thumbs
I've got big paw prints
it's on my thumb

give me $10
I'll take just $10
please give me $10
okay I don't need $10

I'm a big man
I'm a big man
I'm a big man
I'm a big man
I'm a big man
I'm a big man
you see the big man
cuz I'm the big man
don't underestimate me
I've got really small fingers
but I'm ready to go
I'll cut ya
I'll cut ya
I'll make you bleed all day and all night
I know just where to cut ya up

You've got small hands too
that's cuz you're cool, like me, like me too, yeah
I've got the biggest sandwich on the block
you know it's true
we know it's true, true true true

don't you mess with my big hands
with my big hands
with my big hands
you know that I'll strangle you
I'll strangle you
I will strangle you all day all night night
with my big hands I'll show you where I go to town
I go downtown
every night with my clowns, my cronies
we take some in the club, it's alright
cuz we're cool like that
now I'm cool like that
Track Name: Not Interesting
I can see what you're trying to say
I'm not interesting
brought you out to lunch at McDonald's
I'm not interesting
you think I'm not interesting
you know I'm not interesting

too poor to take you out
to eat at a five star joint
too lazy so I take you out
to eat... star joint (???)

you say you're tired of my shit
just wanna go relax
well I've [?????]
{????} relax

french fries french fries french fries french fries
hamburgers too
because we are that cool
french fries french fries french fries french fries
because we've got blue eyes

I've got a hungry hand his name is fingernail
made of the ivory keys on this keyboard
something inhale
y'all know it's true

hey won't you touch my hand like that please
what the hell

(come on guys what was that)
Track Name: Where Are My Limbs
you said you were the one
but now everything turned to shit
because I found out you were a man
and that's okay
but I don't know
who I am
who I am
yeah yeah yeah
something else
something else
something else
something else

where is my underwear
oh where is my underwear
where are my figurines
oh where are you?

where have you gone
where are my hands
I have no feet
I have no limbs
where have you gone
where are my hands
I have no feet
where are my limbs

oh where have you gone in my life
because now I'm so alone
without you, captain hamburger
I'm lonely
lonely and homeless
lonely and homely

I have no hands.
Track Name: Trashcan Kid
bring it on let the big boys play
their thrashing bashing all out the holiday
believable, like a trash can can't you see
how your friends can help the community
immunity, feeling like a spaceship racing
fast as molasses over the country
hungry, hole in my stomach growling
plowing through a big mcdolands this early

earlybird you know I catch the worm surely
surely as I catch a hooligan yearning
yearning for the alphabet, and jesus wept,
and cry me a bucket of tears for all the girlies
tasting like a fable, no I'm not sorry
why you think I'm jacking shit up, sorry
mothafucka please, scar-ee worth sorry
sorry this and sorry that, sorry

speaking really fast because I don't know what to say
and thejeifei nieonneo wawen ieawmew0jg54wtm5u45&^(*)

(oh we just ran out of money)

(john worthing wrestling a chair)
Track Name: Kill That Bird
You abandoned me
love don't live here anymore
just a vacancy
love don't live here anymore
when you lived inside of me
there was nothing I could conceive

big fat BIRD!
crossin' the street
had on a funny hat
why's he looking at me (I've got fries)
had a funny hat (uh oh!)
why's he looking at me (who knows!)
why's he looking at me (why you lookin at me)
why's he looking at me


big ass bird with the funny hat (get out)
big ass bird with the funny hat
big ass bird
kill that bird
somebody kill that bird
kill it for me!

kill my father and my mother during a garage sale, I was making lemonade for the guests and then they came out with an ax and I was like aw shit my parents gone insane, so I went inside
Track Name: Nine Armed Octopus
mmmrruyurssshhhhhsee you tomorrow???
take err shaddoowwwn nnm soooooo whaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrowwwwwwww
take this wihhsichsiv ronefoijdsf

okay I'm done transcribing this album now